Every so often a police report comes along that reads less like a crime blotter and more like a stand-up routine somebody forgot to write down beforehand. This is one of those. On July 17, 2026, Daytona Beach Police officers responded to a crash where a vehicle had plowed into the side of a building, and what followed was a masterclass in creative excuse-making that we simply had to share.
The driver, identified as 22-year-old James Southerland of New Smyrna Beach, was found shirtless and animated when officers arrived on scene. Bodycam footage shows him greeting police with the confident declaration that he “hasn’t been driving,” despite the small matter of his car being lodged into a building that clearly wasn’t supposed to be part of the vehicle’s route.
Officers, understandably skeptical, continued their investigation into what caused the crash. After being read his rights, Southerland pivoted to a new defense: it wasn’t him, it was the car’s alignment. A bold theory, though most alignment issues we’re aware of tend to pull a vehicle a few degrees left or right, not directly into brick and mortar.
Things got even more interesting when Southerland admitted to having two shots that night, only for officers to press further on some apparent inconsistencies in his story. His response? He’s just not great at math, so counting drinks isn’t really his strong suit. Look, we’ve all had rough encounters with basic arithmetic, but most of us aren’t using it as a legal defense strategy.
The Charges Stack Up
Southerland was ultimately arrested and charged with Driving Under the Influence, Leaving the Scene of a Crash Involving Property Damage, and DUI Causing Damage to Property or Another Person.
That’s a fairly comprehensive trio of charges for one eventful evening, and it doesn’t leave much wiggle room for alignment theories.
A Building Takes the Hit
Details on the structure that was struck are limited, but property damage was significant enough to warrant its own charge.
No injuries were reported in connection with the crash, which is genuinely good news given how these situations can play out.
When Excuses Don’t Quite Add Up
We’ve heard plenty of roadside explanations over the years, but “bad alignment” combined with “I’m just bad at math” is a combo that’s tough to top.
It’s the kind of pairing that almost sounds rehearsed, except nobody would rehearse something this specific.
Daytona Beach Police used the incident as an opportunity to remind residents that impaired driving puts everyone on the road at risk, and that arranging a safe ride home before drinking is always the better call.