There’s an old playground song that goes, “First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage.” These days, many couples are striking out on different paths and following their own relationship timelines. For some, that means buying a home together before getting married.
According to new findings from Clever, around 13 percent of couples purchase a home before marriage, while 5 percent do it without ever tying the knot at all. The homebuying service found this information while surveying 1,000 people who had purchased a home with a partner to find out how buying a home can test relationships.
Unfortunately for many lovebirds, the news isn’t good. That’s because Clever discovered that many people had negative feelings about their partner and their relationship as a result.
Curious how buying a home can help or hurt your love life? Keep reading to see what else Clever uncovered during the survey.
1 in 5 People Feel More Attached to Their Home Than Their Partner
It sounds like Cupid’s arrow may have literally hit a wall when some couples purchased their new home, since 18 percent say that they’ve felt more emotionally attached to their new home than their partner after moving in. Similarly, 1 in 3 people (or roughly 29 percent) say that their partner lags behind their home when it comes to providing a sense of security.
For some, the only place their partner leads is when it comes to negative feelings. That’s because 74 percent of the people surveyed say they cry over their partner more than they do their home. Additionally, 56 percent say that their partner demands more of them than their home and 39 percent say that their partner causes more stress.
Some People Would Choose Their Home Over Their Partner
If given an ultimatum, 16 percent of the people surveyed say that they would choose their home over their partner. While that’s a relatively small number of people given the survey size (roughly 160), it’s still more than you might expect.
That feeling seems to resonate the most with millennial couples (25 percent) and those who are unmarried (28 percent).
Meanwhile, 45 percent of people who would gladly say “goodbye” to their partner in favor of their home think they would be happier with someone else.
Buying a House Together is Stressful
Some people think that moving is one of the most stressful life events you can experience, up there with the death of a loved one and divorce. Nearly a third of those surveyed admitted that nothing had put a bigger strain on their relationship than buying a home together.
According to the survey, 17 percent of couples say that buying a house together caused new issues within the relationship (or exposed ones that had already been lying under the surface), a figure that jumps to 39 percent among unmarried couples.
Some Couples Learned New Information
Whether it be good news or bad news, 27 percent of people reported discovering something new about their partner during the homebuying process. That new information included everything from a lack of savings (11 percent) to concerning spending habits (9 percent).
Shockingly, 1 in 5 people shared that they had hidden something home-related from their partner, like making large purchases or keeping secret accounts that their partners didn’t know about.
Don’t Let Buying a Home Destroy Your Relationship
Buying a home together should be an exciting milestone for your relationship, not a point of contention. To keep your home-buying experience from ruining your relationship, Zillow says that you should make sure you’re keeping an open line of communication with your partner and sharing your feelings.
Creating a list of what you’re looking for in a home can help you find something you both like. Zillow suggests making a list that contains a few different categories, including “must-haves,” “nice-to-haves,” “flexible features,” and “deal breakers,” with each of you adding a few items to each category.
While none of this can guarantee that you won’t end up feeling like the 26 percent of people who expect their home to outlast their relationship, it could at least address some of the issues that are stressing these relationships.