Every driver has, at some point, sat on the shoulder of a road watching those red and blue lights flash in the rearview mirror while frantically rehearsing their defense. Most of us land somewhere between “I swear I wasn’t going that fast” and dead silence. But according to the folks who actually write the tickets, some drivers take a much more creative route.
The Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department recently posted a video on Facebook that leans into the mockumentary format, complete with a deputy sitting down for what looks like a serious interview segment, helmet on, forehead sweat getting dabbed off between takes, and a producer asking which camera to look at. It is a bit that plays it straight, and that is exactly what makes it funny.
Once the cameras roll, the deputy does not disappoint. He explains, with the calm delivery of someone who has genuinely seen it all, that he has heard just about every excuse in the book. And after years on the road, a few of them have apparently earned a permanent spot in his memory.
The video wraps with a simple message from the department: the documentary might be compelling, but the citation still holds up. Drive safely, and try not to become the next episode.
The Light Made Him Do It
One of the deputy’s favorite recent stories involves a driver who ran a red light and, when pulled over, insisted the light itself was the problem. According to the driver, it changed too fast for him to react.
It is the kind of excuse that sounds almost reasonable for about half a second, right up until you remember yellow lights exist for exactly this reason.
The Catch-All Excuse
Every profession has its go-to move, and for traffic stops, the deputy says there is one excuse that gets deployed for nearly any violation, speeding, rolling through a stop sign, you name it.
Someone will insist they desperately needed to find a bathroom. It is hard to argue with urgency, but it is also hard to imagine it holding up in traffic court.
Comments agreed it was valid. One person recalled: “I got pulled over for speeding once. I told the officer I had IBS. He asked, in a very deep voice, ‘Do you need an ambulance?’ Needless to say, he let me off with a warning.”
“Didn’t They Teach You That?”
The other repeat offender is the classic “I didn’t know.” The deputy’s response pretty much writes itself: wasn’t that covered back when you got your license? It is a fair point.
Most of the rules being enforced out there were part of the test everyone had to pass to get behind the wheel in the first place.