Not every story that makes you stop scrolling comes out of Florida.
Every now and then, the honor goes to Louisiana, which reminds us that it is perfectly capable of producing its own brand of “Wait…what?” news.
A Shreveport Police Facebook post is beginning to make the rounds online, and it is easy to see why. Police released only a limited account of what allegedly happened outside a local sushi restaurant, but the details somehow raise almost as many questions as they answer.
We know one man needed six stitches after police say he was struck in the head with a cell phone. We know officers suspected the woman accused of hitting him had been drinking. We also know she allegedly managed to move her handcuffs from behind her back to the front while sitting inside a patrol vehicle.
Everything about the situation reads like pure chaos.
A Parking Lot Confrontation Turns Painful
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According to the Shreveport Police Department, officers responded to Sushikin Grill and Sake Bar on East Kings Highway during the evening of July 18 after receiving reports that a woman had assaulted a man in the parking lot. Dispatchers were advised the victim was bleeding from the head.
When officers arrived, they found 34-year-old Mandy Lindsey still at the scene sitting inside a Mercedes-Benz. Police said Lindsey was behaving erratically and aggressively and showed signs consistent with intoxication. Investigators learned the victim had confronted Lindsey after reportedly seeing her driving recklessly through the parking lot. The disagreement escalated into an argument, during which Lindsey allegedly struck him in the head with a cell phone.
The man drove himself to Willis-Knighton Pierremont Health Center, where the injury required six stitches. Police said two independent witnesses reported seeing Lindsey initiate the physical confrontation and strike the victim with the phone.
Police Begin a DWI Investigation
Officers transported Lindsey to the Shreveport Police Department’s Selective Enforcement Unit for DWI testing, where police said she refused both standardized field sobriety tests and a breath sample.
Things allegedly became even stranger while she was detained in the back of a patrol vehicle. According to police, Lindsey maneuvered her handcuffs from behind her back to the front of her body. Officers repositioned the restraints before continuing the transport. Police did not say Lindsey got out of the vehicle or made it very far, but the maneuver resulted in a simple escape charge.
Lindsey was booked into the Shreveport City Jail on charges of first-offense DWI, aggravated battery, and simple escape.
The Details Raise Some Unnecessary Questions
There are serious allegations here. A man was injured badly enough to require six stitches, and Lindsey is facing several criminal charges. Still, the limited information released by police leaves readers trying to fill in a few unusual blanks.
What kind of cell phone causes a six-stitch head wound? Was it protected by one of those cases designed to survive a fall from the International Space Station? How did Lindsey move the handcuffs from behind her back to the front while seated in a patrol car? And does accomplishing that maneuver count as escaping when you remain exactly where the officers left you?
Police have not provided those answers, but the department’s Facebook followers were more than willing to offer theories.
Readers Attempt to Solve the Cell Phone Mystery
Many commenters focused on the phone, joking that Lindsey must have been carrying an old Nokia, a Motorola brick phone, or one of the enormous mobile phones commonly seen in television shows from the 1990s.
One reader quipped, “She must have hit him with a Nokia,” while another joked, “She had to have used a Motorola Rzr because that is the only mobile device capable of that.” A third added, “What the hell kind of phone did she have? An eighties brick phone?”
Others were less interested in the phone and more curious about the simple escape charge. “Simple escape with her still in the police car. She didn’t go anywhere,” one commenter wrote, while another asked, “Did she actually escape or just reposition placement of cuffs?”
Perhaps the most practical takeaway came from one reader who suggested that if you see someone driving recklessly, it’s safer to record the license plate, keep your distance, and notify police rather than confront the driver. That may not produce an exciting Facebook post, but it is far less likely to end with a trip to the hospital.
One Expensive Night Out
Whatever ultimately happened in the parking lot, the case is another reminder to drink responsibly and arrange a safe ride home. A designated driver or rideshare is likely to cost far less than a hospital bill, an attorney, vehicle impound fees, and a criminal case. It also reduces the chances of a booking photo and an unusual list of charges becoming entertainment for thousands of strangers online.
The criminal consequences will be decided in court. The internet, however, rarely waits for a judge.
Lindsey is presumed innocent unless and until proven guilty.